Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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