it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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