God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
