I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
