Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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