She said her name was "party"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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