That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
