Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
