If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
