Pants 0. Shit 1.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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