College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
