apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
