I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
