I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
