Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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