and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
