so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
