sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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