i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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