I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
