To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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