Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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