My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i now understand why vodka
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
