Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
