I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
