He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
