I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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