i may or may not be watching the land before time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
