Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
