so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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