watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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