Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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