The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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