Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
