I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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