No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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