3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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