I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
