All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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