In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
