i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
