just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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