ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
