moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
