Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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