just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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