Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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