You're so nebulous sometimes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
