he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
