bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
