The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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