So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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