woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love having hate sex.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
