Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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