How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
