we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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